Wednesday, July 10, 2013

On Facebook Philosophers

Hello there!

So this has been weighing on my heart (lol), so let's talk about media philosophers. I'm not talking about the people that post about current events that's necessary, social media fueled the Egyptian Revolution. I'm also not talking about the ones on your news feed or timeline that post biblical or inspiration verses from well known and respected people in their field...I'd actually thank some of these people because sometimes I come across a post and it's exactly what I needed to hear at that moment, so thanks!

No, I'm talking about the ones that make you question why you're still their "friend", cousin or even sibling. The kind that "drop knowledge" via grievous grammatical errors and occasionally ALL CAPS or cOoL sH!t L1Ke ThIs. Yep, you have an idea of who I'm talking about now? I've deemed this people "social media philosophers". If you do laugh along this post with me, if you find that you are one of these people please read how it's being perceived and laugh along with us :)

So I've found there are only a handful of things these "social media philosophers" talk about:

  1. "How to get a man." This is usually posted by a single someone, actually someone who you've never even known to date anyone in the whole time you've been associated with this person. Once you've moved past that to read the actual "advice" it makes you turn your head and stare sideways at your screen. It's usually some sort of sexual act you need to perform, something you should cook or wear, or how you should be on your grind. Often the statement is ended by something like "men like a girl on her shit". *record stop* Broad what?! Soooo I should only cook certain things, wear certain things or attempt to make something of myself so I can get a man? Oh.
  2. "How to keep a man." This will probably be the following post of the aforementioned person, or someone in a new relationship because who knows how better to have a successful long lasting relationship than someone who has been in one for 2 weeks? These posts are oftentimes accompanied with pictures. Pictures of over-seasoned food on paper plates captioned "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach" or "real women cook for they [yes, they] man". Or pictures of a certain leafy drug all neatly rolled with a caption of some Wiz Khalifa song lyric about how good girlfriends roll blunts for their man. Sooooo you don't need to eat, you only cook for a man? Oh, ok.
  3. "Men ain't shit." My favorite type of posts because this is usually posted by some of the thirstiest broads you know. These posters are the bipolar type; right after they talk about how men ain't shit they follow it up with a post about how they're lonely and waiting for Mr. Right. These are the type of statuses where you get all peoples' goals and aspirations. Example: "Damn I just want somebody down for me that I can be down for, we can grind together, share a bottle of Henny and a blunt, wake up and do it all again. But they rather be out here with hoes that's not down for them. Ugh, men just ain't shit." I'll leave you to identify everything wrong with that statement...
  4. And lastly, "fake friends". Now this comes in all different shapes and forms, some are valid, some are ridiculous. How I feel about it...everybody doesn't love the way you love. You have to let people love you their way and sometimes it's not your way but that doesn't make them a bad person. When picking friends you accept people for the way they are or move the hell on. And if you choose to move on, do so quietly and not on my Facebook news feed :)
So thanks social media philosophers for informing me that my whole being, from what I wear, drink, cook/eat, watch, and want to become revolves around men. Who woulda thunk it?! hahahahaha :P

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