On Scandal

Yes, the (or should I say another) Shonda Rhimes hit TV show and I'm definitely a Gladiator!

In light of Scandal being on a two week hiatus, I shall write about my feelings toward Scandal. I'm not a TV/movie critic so feel free to disagree with what I have to say...and tell me about it! [I know y'all are reading, why don't y'all comment?!] Also, you won't be seeing any character analysis, plot dissertations or any of that other stuff that professional critics do...I'm just talking like you probably do every Thursday or Friday morning with your friends. I hopped on the Scandal train about a year late. When it came around as a mid-season replacement for a cancelled show, I had just given birth to Parker so I was none the wiser. After my little sister threatened to disown me, I binge watched seasons 1 & 2 about 2 weeks before the season 3 premiere and I'm definitely hooked! Who doesn't love a good drama (especially with the gorgeous Kerry Washington as leading lady)?!

If you've never seen the show: it comes on at 10 pm on Thursdays, right after Rhimes' other hit, Grey's Anatomy. The VERY basic premise is that the POTUS is having an affair with a famous DC area "fixer", Olivia Pope. Believe me though, that's the LEAST of the scandals of the show. You should definitely check it out. And if you plan to...now's the time since the season 3 finale starts Dec. 5th!

So on Thursday nights, I get on my mainly forgotten twitter account and see what everyone is tweeting about during the show. Here's some of the main things I see and some thoughts I have...that need more than 140 characters:

• "I hate cheaters!" All I have to say about that one is...this ain't bout you! We're all against adulterers, it's a sin....vows are sacred...yada yada yada. It's not right, but on this show...it's ok! Fitz and Mellie basically had/have an arranged marriage, she was picked as a pawn in his trail to the White House. They didn't marry for love, they married for power. (Albeit, we did see recently that at some point they had what appeared to be a normal loving relationship). Mellie knew what the deal was. She got where she wanted and if she wants a political career of her own, she needs to keep her eye on the prize and stop being in love with her husband lol! It seems outrageous to say but the major difference between Mellie and you or me is that we probably will/did marry for LOVE. So yes, it's appalling when your husband cheats on you but on Scandal I'm definitely Team Liv&Fitz!!
• "Liv is stupid for going back to Fitz!" He's the President of the United States of Shondaland. Some of us have been stupid for less...much less! I've done some stupid stuff for like at least Fitz and Liv are in love. So just let Liv live, dang lol. Besides, I don't think she's being that stupid but maybe that's just me lol.
• "Quinn needs to die." I absolutely agree. I jumped with joy last week when I saw Huck's toolbox. I hope he tortures the hell outta her, then kills her lol. But I know Shonda ain't gone let it go down like that, Charlie will probably pop up somewhere but really I hope Huck gets them both at the same time haha! Quinn is just too stupid for words. Did she really think she was down with B-613 and she's never had a lick of training? She can't do what Huck and Charlie can do as far as making things look like an accident, or being unseen or...anything! The sad part about her story is that even if Huck does kill her, Eli won't care because she's not his investment, he even told Charlie to get rid of her if he had to. I cannot wait to see what Huck does to her during the Finale. I just hope Shonda doesn't get our hopes up and he doesn't even go through with the torturing...this isn't the time for Huck to find Jesus Shonda!! Don't do it to us!!!
• "I love Jake." or "I hope Jake and Liv get together." I could not disagree more. I actually hate Jake and hope he goes the way of Quinn lol. Seriously, he's just complicating things and he's corny as hell. "Your face got me through" when discussing his experience in the hole...BOOOOOOO!! I wish he would have stayed in the hole and I can't wait until Eli gets hold to him again lol. I don't think him and Liv make a cute couple, and I think he needs to realize he was Liv's rebound that one time! I wonder what Shonda has up her sleeves for Jake though, because he can't stay around forever right? We shall see..
• "Eli Pope is a boss." I can do nothing else but agree...because I'm afraid of him. Next!

Now onto Liv's mama and my speculations for the finale. Basically I think Liv's mom is some type of enemy of the state and having the plane shot down was to kill her but Eli kept her alive because she's his wife...or more importantly because she's his daughter's mother. The mom alluded to an agreement they had that she would live in hiding and he would take care of Liv, Eli also mentioned how it was her fault. So I think she disobeyed some B-613 orders for something BIG.  I also think Liv is barking up the wrong tree trying to protect her...I mean I get it, that's yo mama but she's obviously not the "white hat" type of person. I think once Liv finds out whatever she did, she'll be disappointed and feel indifferent towards her mother as she does toward Eli. She'll never forgive Eli if he kills her but I think as long as Eli puts her back in prison (can I even call it prison?) then she'll be ok and possibly feel better about her dad and what he does. I also hope along the way...Jake and Quinn get killed lol. But that would just be the cherry on top of my Scandal sundae!

So Gladiators...we'll have to wait until Dec. 5th to find out but let me know what you think is going to happen!

"30 Days of Thankfulness"

I was approached by a fellow blogger that received some life changing news at the age of 36...cancer. Not only was she diagnosed with mesothelioma but she was also given 15 months to live only 3 months after giving birth to her first child. That was 8 years ago, and today Heather is cancer free! You can read more about her amazing story here. Heather was diagnosed in November so instead of being sad all month, she's decided to have "30 Day of Thankfulness" which she is spreading around the blogsphere. She asked me to participate and I am happy to oblige. I hope you enjoy Heather and everyone else!

When tasked with posting about something I'm thankful for, I was truly at a lost. Not because I'm ungrateful but because I know I have so much to be thankful for! I believe in God and must say, I am definitely blessed!! When thinking about my blessings, it became clear what I needed to post about. I'm taking it back to the beginning...my beginnings. On this day in this month (and everyday of every month) I am thankful for my mother, Crystal or Big Crystal.

In the Spring of 1989, I was born to a single black female on the east side of Detroit. Sounds like the first line of a novel that goes on to talk about struggle and triumph and revenge and reward right? I'm guessing somewhere about 9ish months before this spring day she decided to be the best mommie in the world...or maybe she was thinking "oh shit!" while looking at whatever home pregnancy test but I get to tell the story the way I want ;) Anyway, whether she decided it then or it just happened along the way that's exactly what she accomplished. She's my personal hero and the best mommie ever.

Me and my mom began our life together much as you'd expect from a single mom in the inner city. We moved in with her parents so she could finish school. During this time, she taught me the importance of education. I remember going to class with her sometimes and "taking notes" or supposedly doing my homework while she did hers. Now, having gone through school I think back about how I used to write on her papers or ask her to tell me a story while she studied and how annoying that must have been to her haha. I valued that time...and I still do now.

In the Fall of 1997 me and my mommie experienced heartbreak and immeasurable joy together. When her and her then fiancee broke up, we felt it together and together we welcomed my little sister. So our two woman wolf pack grew to a three woman wolf pack. Looking back, I never saw my mom's strength waiver during this time. I know now it had to be tough on her but then I could never tell. It taught me, that no matter what...the world keeps spinning. Life moves on no matter what you have going on so dropping the ball (especially on what's important) isn't an option. Definitely, one of the most important lessons I needed to learn. It played over and over in my head when I became pregnant while still pursuing my engineering degree, only 4 months after losing my grandfather. I had the foundation in place to be able to deal, and for that I definitely owe her.

Through middle and high school, we had a relationship much like all mom's with hormonal teenage girls...up and down lol. We had a very mother-daughter relationship. She was definitely the boss and I was definitely the child. I suppose it's annoying then but I appreciate that now. She taught boundaries and not always getting your way but most importantly she taught me the difference between needs and wants. I think a lot of us don't know the difference sometimes and it probably stemmed from our adolescent/teenage years. Self control was instilled in me around this time and I'm definitely the better for it today.

College for me was a turning point in our relationship. I went about 700 miles away for school and it was the first time in EVER me and my mommie had a long distance relationship. During that time I learned thee single most important thing I would learn in becoming a woman and definitely becoming a mother. I learned that my mommie and hero was "just" a person. And I don't mean this is a negative way, I think learning that especially at that time was important because I felt like I could just be a person too. People make mistakes, and have problems and insecurities and flaws. Children's parent's are their heroes and with it we tend to think that makes them some superhuman thing. Our parents' aren't things, they are mortal human beings like the rest of us. My mom's and my relationship grew to another level once I discovered that, maybe she felt like I was old enough to know then lol. We exchanged stories of love and pain and defeat and overcoming. I understood that she was an amazing person rather than a superhero. Being like her was attainable because I didn't have to become immortal. I felt more at ease to know that even when I failed, I was ok because she did (at some point) too. One day I hope to be an amazing person like her and it's not too late for me yet :)

[Glossing over my personal shortcomings...]...On March 5, 2012 my mother entered a new role...Grandma. She says this one is better than the other one haha. I would imagine if I asked God for the best grandma for my little girl, He would have sent my mom anyway. I love to see my daughter look at her because she knows that big Crystal is something special too. Becoming a mother made me aware of how my mother had been feeling me and my sisters' whole lives. As a result of this, you can imagine our relationship has once again moved to a new level of closeness. I strive to gain her respect as a mother because she taught me what I know...and I think she does, sometimes ;)

People often say that naming a child after someone gives them a lot to live up to or places unrealistic expectations. I've never thought about it that way, having grown up sharing a name with my mom but maybe there's something to it. I guess I'm actually thankful that on that spring day in '89, she decided to give me that piece of her. Even though I will never be Big Crystal, maybe one day I will be amazing too. I hear people say they married their best friend, or had children by their best friend...I am blessed to say, I was born to mine.

On Beyonce

"You know girls love Beyonce"...I mean really what's not to love about Queen Bey? She's beautiful, talented, puts on a hell of a performance, seems personable, and she's a successful female. For most intents and purposes, she's Superwoman. I am a fan...however, I have a very love-hate relationship with how she shaped (or at least aided in shaping) my generation's mind. I love/hate Beyonce.

"Girls love to eff with your conscience"...circa 2000, Destiny's Child dropped "Independent Women" on the soundtrack of the new adaptation of "Charlie's Angels".  Then, the world went to hell. Ok, not really but it was the beginning of the end. Maybe it just happened to be fortuitous timing, or maybe it was some evil culture shaper's plan but nonetheless "independent women" started popping up everywhere. Even people that weren't yet women, and damn sure not independent...like my friends. We were in like 6th grade! We were impressionable and so the seed was planted that we should be independent. And this seed has proven strong, it doesn't help that Queen Bey has continued to release song after song attempting to "empower" women but falling short (i.e. Single Ladies). [I'm probably losing readers left and right lol..."don't talk bad about Beyonce!"]

"And shawty you ain't no different"...in layman, independent means "by yo' damn self"...why the hell would I wanna be by myself (I knew back in 6th grade that shit didn't sound right)?? Now that we are actually women, why would I WANT to do everything myself, or navigate all the twists and turns life has by myself? It just doesn't make sense. I've been in several debates in college about "being independent" and I still think women (and now men) have taken it to the extreme. Can I pay my own bills? Yes, but I sureeeee as hell love not having to! Can I be strong when I need to? Yes, but I definitely love having another set of legs to stand on sometimes. Can women please themselves? With the help of technology, I've heard great things but those things don't cuddle with you afterwards. So what part of being independent sounds appealing?? Not to mention the pressure that comes from carrying life's burdens alone, don't you want to be able to share that be it financially, mentally and emotionally?

"That's why I'm in this position"...This is not to say that I think women shouldn't work outside the home, or have their own cars and bank accounts.  Perhaps, the song should have been "Self-Sufficient Women" and I wouldn't have so many qualms with it...but I get it, that's not as catchy ;)

"No new friends, no no no"...women have taken this independence so far that (I've heard it said) they've run good men away. I believe it to an extent. Firstly, men are traditionally the head of the household. We've all heard the Bible verses that support this saying. Rather you believe in the Bible or not, gender roles in society have supported this notion. I don't have a man's ego but I can imagine how a woman continuously telling him she's "independent" could harm that...or just be damn annoying! Secondly, women have taken financial independence to mean much more than it does. Having your own money is great, and it is something that differs a lot than our grandparent's generation when the husband brought home the bacon. Money, however, isn't everything in life or in a relationship. If you aren't more than money, you aren't much anyway.  On the other hand, I've heard it said that men have let it go to their heads and are now looking for "suga mamas" within all these "independent women". Hahaha...that just made me laugh. I have no clue if there's truth in that...I'll let y'all sort that one out.

Circa 2008...we learned that Beyonce gave up that "independent woman" thing and married Jay. You ladies better learn it too. She still makes the occasional song for you so you don't feel too bad listening to "1 + 1" all day ;) I love that song...gotta love/hate Queen Bey!

Disclaimer: The lyrics that begin every paragraph are from Drake's "Girls Love Beyonce".

I'm back!!! On Debt & Financial Stability

My sincerest apologies for not being active for almost 2 whole months!! I won't lie to y'all...I've been going through shit. I do appreciate the calls, texts, emails, etc. I've been getting asking me why the hell I haven't been blogging. It's been on my mind but how I've been feeling lately I just didn't know where to start but now...I'm back ;)

So, getting down to business...one of my recent endeavors involved managing my finances and I've began a quest to be debt free by 30! Now, let's talk about this...in a nutshell I have:

• ~$150K in student loan debt
• ~$1.5K in credit card debt
• ~$3K left on my car
• Grand total: ~$155K

Yes, I know my student loan debt has probably scared you away from this post. Just thinking about it makes me depressed, I almost can't believe I actually wrote it down for everyone to see lol. It has sprung me into loooong thinking sessions about money. I realized I never thought I could overcome debt, I thought it was something I had to live with (as I think most people do). I've always kinda had the thought that I would work, pay my bills, have some money in savings and be fine. Before, I thought that paying my bills on time and having money in the bank was the way to life! Since I've been totally financially independent, I've been searching for a way out of this gerbil wheel. What if...I could live without bills?! I mean of course I'll have a monthly light, water, and gas bill but what if I didn't have a rent, credit cards, or most importantly student loans?!

I had to write this post, not to tell you all about my outrageous amount of student loan debt, or to make you feel bad for me (unless of course you feel bad enough to put $5 on it haha)...but really I want my readers to think about money differently too. Often I see money all over social media. People my age think paying bills, and buying a couple stocks has them set for life. I also notice a good amount of people blowing money...but that's another story. I wonder if people realize the time value of money or instead of trying to make it grow instantly actually just saving it? So I'll share with you all what I've learned so far and how I plan to tackle this enormous amount of debt in 6 years...(and no, I don't have a six-figure income alone).

Firstly, budget. For some reason the word budget has a negative connotation. People think it means to live cheaply or pinch pennies, or whatever. Not the case, by definition a budget is an allocated amount of money. You just have to have a plan for the money, so if partying is a part of your plan...allocate money for it. BAM! You've just budgeted. Now the trick to becoming financially stable is to stick to the budget. In the past, budgetting hasn't worked for me because I'd always go over my budgets. Me at 8pm: "Tonight I'm only going to spend $50." $80 later...Me by 11 pm: "Sure, you can keep the tab open." No bueno...I have to reform myself. My first step was getting mint.com...it's a personal budgetting tool that so far has been really helpful! I'd suggest it :)

Now onto the part you've been waiting on...how I plan to get out this mess before I die? Hello Dave Ramsey! Now I'm not being paid to advertise him and I can't even say I'm well versed on ALL his principles at the moment but right now...I'm loving him! He has what he calls "7 Baby Steps" that I think make a lot of sense. It seems so intuitive, as I was reading them I thought "duh" several times. Why the hell haven't I been doing this anyway?! I guess sometimes it takes someone else to say it to you for you to understand maybe? Idk but since I've read them, I've been sold! I won't go into every step because I trust that you can (and will) click the link and read them but the debt snowball (Baby Step 2) is how I plan to get out this debt relatively quickly. The basic idea is as you pay something off you apply that former payment to new debt (in order from least to greatest). As you pay off larger debts the "snowball" rolls faster. For example: say you have three credit cards with balances of $400, $700 and $2000 with 0% interest rates to keep it simple. The minimum payments are $25, $30 and $45 respectively. Obviously you have to pay the minimum payments each month but you have $5 extra to spare. So you "attack" the $400 one first paying $30/month...it takes you 13 months to pay it off. Then you take that $30 you were putting on that debt and add it to the $30 (like a snowball) for you $700 card minimum payment. Now you're paying $60 on that $700 debt so you pay it off even quicker, once that's gone you add that $60 to the $45 you're paying on your largest debt and it goes away even faster. Makes sense eh? I eliminated interest rates to keep it simple, it can get more complicated with interest rates because if your $700 credit card had the largest interest rate you might want to pay that one off first, etc. The plan is set up so that you stay motivated by having goals that you continuously meet! Yay!

I like his plan because by the end of it you should actually be financially stable. Having money in the bank doesn't make you stable if you have bad habits. Actually, having debt doesn't necessarily make you unstable either as long as you have a plan to pay it. Realistically, I don't know if I can actually jump this hurdle in 6 years but I will definitely give it a go. So far I've been doing much better with my finances and I've made headway already! Wish me luck!!

I know I can't tell y'all I've been going through shit and NOT tell you what it is. I've already spoiled you all with sharing my intimate thoughts and feelings...little by little I'll tell what's been going on with me, each posts tells a story. For a second I was cloudy but now I'm back to being Crystal clear ;)